I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize