You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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