She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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