he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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