after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
