Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize
