Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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