Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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