Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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