we have officially lost it.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
