Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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