And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
