I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
