i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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