If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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