the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
