I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
