the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
