The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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