Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
