I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think people are normalizing furries
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
