i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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