I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
