I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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