remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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