new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
