It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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