you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
