My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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