I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
