I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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