you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
