Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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