worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just gargled with NyQuil
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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