i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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