Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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