i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
