Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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