fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
