Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
