Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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