Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
