Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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