It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
