Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
