This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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