Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
