Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
