i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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