so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
