I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
