sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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