Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
