dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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