No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
