I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
