Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
