Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
