do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
