brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
