i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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