please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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