Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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