If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
