Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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