i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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