You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
