I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
