I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
