He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
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No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
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His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize