Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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