guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
