Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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