He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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