When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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