I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
