mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
