He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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