Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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